I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
