I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
