It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
