I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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