I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
