I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
