gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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