I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
