I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
