Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
