I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
