Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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