I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
