my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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