His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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