this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
