I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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