you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
