I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
