We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
