Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
