I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
