why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
