Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
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