I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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