Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
