My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
