We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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