I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
