I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
it's like heaven, but drunker
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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