Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
