I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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