On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
