I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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