If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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