someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Two words: blizzard sex
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
