hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
