I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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