We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
