And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
