I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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