i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
