end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
