God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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