just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
