I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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