he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
