dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
