my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
