she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
