If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
