two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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