Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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